Squid's Secret
by Squidly is gorjus
Summary: Squid hasn't been completly truthful to the other D tenters but they are soon to discover the truth and uncover one of Squid's deepest, darkest secrets yet. R&R please.
1. Chapter one

**Disclaimer: Don't own holes charectors.**

This is my second fan fic, my other own is called "With friends like these," it's about two girls going CGL,(Ido realise that isn't totally original but it is different to normal girl goes camp fan fics so please read) This ismore original so please review and tell me what you think.

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Chapter one

"We need to clean up quick, Mom is coming any minute now for the meeting," Magnet said as he came running into D tent.

"I can't be bothered cleaning up," Armpit moaned, looking around the pig sty of a tent.

"I think we'd better," Caveman said sighing, "You remember how long Mom lectured us for last time,"

Zigzag fidgeted slightly before saying, "Yeah I agree, this place is a total mess anyway,"

"But I'm comfortable with it this way!" Armpit complained.

"You'd be comfortable even if we lived in the sewers!" Magnet said rolling his eyes.

"Remember last time when we left this place a mess," X ray said, getting off his cot, "Mr Sir came in and started yelling at us, we got put on dinner duties for a week!" With that all the D tenters hopped off their cots and started to tidy stuff up.

"Where the hell is Squid?" Magnet asked as he stuffed all his clothes (which were strewn all over the floor) into his crate, "He needs to help too,"

"I don't know," Zigzag said wildly, "It's odd, you know, he always disappears about this time,"

"Normally I wouldn't agree with Zig and his crazy assumptions, but that is true," X ray said, hastily making his bed.

"I saw him coming out the Warden's cabin at about this time yesterday," Caveman said, putting all his pieces of paper in his stationary box. The boys all exchanged glances.

"Ooooh, I wonder what could be going on there," Magnet said, laughing slightly.

"Ew!" Caveman exclaimed, "That is just gross, don't even go there!" The rest of D tent laughed.

"Mom's gonna be here any minute and look at the state of Squid's cot!" X ray said.

"oh, I'll clean it!" Magnet said, seeing as no one else seemed to offer.

He began hurriedly stuffing Squid's stuff in his crate and making the bed.

"Don't forget to do under the bed, Mom always checks there," X ray reminded him.

Magnet muttered something grumpily in Spanish. He ducked under the bed and saw that there were a lot of clothes and forgotten pairs of underwear there.

"Ew! Dirty underwear!" Magnet exclaimed as he gingerly pulled them out and flung them into Squid's crate. Magnet pulled out Squid's cuddly- toy octopus, "Awww here's his lil octopus!" Magnet said laughing, giving it a hug.

X ray grabbed it off him, "Look at it! It's all torn, he could at least have a decent one," he chucked it back at Magnet.

Magnet stuffed it in the almost- filled- to- the- brim crate.

He went back under the bed and shoved aside loads of clothes to find a small wooden box.

"What the hell-" he said aloud pulling it out.

All the boys looked at him.  
"What's that!" Armpit asked.

"Don't know," Magnet mumbled, he started to undo the latch.

"Don't open it!" Caveman said, "There might be some personal stuff in there!"

"Shut up!" X ray said, "Open it Mag," Magnet slowly opened the lid and inside was some photographs and some letters and a CD.

He looked up at the others quizzically.

He got out the CD, it was Vanessa Carlton (a thousand miles) it had a note attached to the front. It said;

_For Alan,  
Thinking of you  
Love,  
Yasmin_

There were three photos.

One showed Squid with a girl who must have been about 15. She had long black hair which was tied neatly into a pony tail and was smiling down at a little baby which was in her arms.

Squid was beaming down at the baby too. Judging by the blue clothes the baby must have been a boy.

The next photo showed Squid sitting down on a moth- eaten sofa which the baby in his arms. The baby was looking up at Squid with it's big chocolate brown eyes.

Squid had the same happy expression on his face.

The final photo had a picture of the dark- haired girl who was sitting on a faded carpet. The baby sat beside her, it looked as though it was laughing. It was holding Squid's octopus.

There were two letters.

Magnet read them aloud.

_To Alan,_

_Me and Alex are missing you so much. I can't wait until the you come home, I really need you to be with us. We are coping, just. So don't worry about us, we are fine. We will be together soon though, Alan. I am counting down the days. Remember, I love you so, so much and I always will._

_Love,_

_Yasmin_

The second letter said;

_To Alan,_

_Alex said his first word today. It was ,"dad," I know you would be so pleased. I am so sad that you missed it though. I know you would of loved to have been there. I'm finding it hard to pay rent on the apartment but I have took up a new job, it pays a little more but is longer hours. I think I will be able to cope now._

_Love you loads and loads_

_Yasmin_

Magnet looked up at the rest of D tent. They all had the same dumbstruck expression on their faces.

"I think there's something Squid isn't telling us," Magnet said…..


	2. Chapter two

Chapter 2

Just at that moment Squid walked into the tent.

All of the D tenters looked up at him, Magnet hid the box behind his back. There was an awkward silence. "What?" Squid asked, feeling very uncomfortable at the many eyes which were boring into him.

No one answered him, Magnet just got up and walked over to him. He gave him the box.

"Explain," he said.

Squid stared down at the box, he then looked up at all them all. They were watching closely, waiting for him to explain what the box was all about.

"IF YOU JERKS TOUCH MY STUFF AGAIN I'M GONNA FUCKING POUND YOUR HEADS IN!" Squid yelled, surprising all of them.

He ran out of the tent, he could hear X ray calling after him but he kept running.

He ran until he was out of the camp compound. He ran to where they had been digging holes that day. He lowered himself into his hole and sat with his knees clutched to his chest. He found that tears were pouring down his cheeks.

_Do they know?_

He noticed that he still had the box in his hand. He thrust open the lid and took out his favourite photo. It was the one which had him, Yasmin and Alex in it.

He hugged it close to himself, his tears dropped onto the floor of his hole but were quickly evaporated by the thirsty sun.

_I miss you so much, Yasmin and Alex._

Squid felt like staying in his hole forever. He couldn't face going back to his tent. There would be questions…. Questions he'd be forced to answer. But when his throat was so dry he could not stand it any longer he gave in. He put the photo back in the box and secured the latch before making his way back to Camp.

When he got back to Camp it was rather dark. Everyone would have ate dinner by now. Squid's stomach rumbled loudly.  
Well, he'd just have to do without for tonight. When he entered the tent all of the guys, who where lounging on the cots, looked up at him.

They looked kind of worried. Squid hadn't meant to get so angry with them. He just felt confused and was annoyed that they'd stoop so low to go snooping into his personal stuff. He was also frightened in case they knew.

He'd kept it from them for so long. The main reason he hadn't told them wasn't because he was ashamed. It was because he wanted to fit in with them. If they knew about it, there would be no way he would fit in. He wouldn't be like the rest of them, he'd have responsibilities. He had so desperately wanted to fit in. He had never fitted in before. Not at school. He had only one friend… Yasmin… but they had grown more than friends.

He had felt accepted at Camp Green Lake, well, he was 3rd in the filling- of- the- canteen line. Squid stuffed the box under his bed.

"We understand that you may not want to talk about the box," X ray was the first to speak (obviously) "But remember we are always there for you, D tent sticks together, right,"

"And when you feel ready to tell us," Zigzag said, "We'll be all ears," Squid nodded.

"Mom was looking for you, I think you better go see him," Armpit said, "He wanted to talk about why you weren't at the meeting with him tonight,"

"We tried to cover for you," Magnet said, "We were saying that you had just gone toilet and stuff,"

"But Mom went looking and he couldn't find you anywhere," Caveman said, "Where were you?"

"Doesn't matter, I'd best go find mom then," Squid sighed as he left the tent.

He assumed Mr Pendanski would be in the rec room, he normally was this time in the evening. As he walked towards the rec room he was thinking about what the guys had just said. They were being really supportive, this surprised him. Hey, it isn't everyday that a bunch of juvenile delinquents do the 'sensitive thing' on you. It freaked Squid out a little bit.

Maybe he should tell them… they would only get curious otherwise…. Start making assumptions. Besides it was about time they should know. He couldn't keep this big secret from them forever.

If he stayed friends with them after Camp Green Lake, it would be certain they'd find out then anyway. Maybe they could help him… he needed a lot of moral support most of the time…. He needed someone to talk to… to think things through… sometimes he felt like just ending it all and forgetting about this HUGE responsibility he had back at home.

He opened the rec room door which squeaked melodramatically. He peeked inside and saw that Mr Pendanski was monitoring a game of pool. Mr Pendanski looked over when he heard the door open. His emotionless face turned to a frown.

"Squid, where have you been and why weren't you at my meeting?" he asked.

"Sorry mom," Squid sighed, "Needed to think about things," Mr Pendanski raised his eyebrows.

"And what sort of things are more important than my character- building meeting," he asked, he sounded kind of hurt.

"You know mom… the thing… the thing back at home," Squid said, trying not to talk too loud as some B tent boys who were playing pool where listening closely.

Mr Pendanski's face turned from confused to realisation, "Ooooh, the special circumstances," he said, nodding.

"Yeh, that," Squid said, turning red. He hated that the Warden and all the counsellors knew about it. He thought it was none of there business but it was on his file so obviously they found out about it. They treated it like it was a massive deal. He'd get more privileges then the rest of the boys, such as a phone call home once a day. Not that the boys ever found about them, or any of his other privileges.

"Still I know it can be troubling for someone as young as you but you should have thought things through properly and taken the right precautions, then this would never of happened…" Mr Pendanski started his lecture about it all over again.

Squid sighed and tuned out. He was glad it had happened in a way. It bought him and Yasmin closer and it made him feel as though his life was complete.

Sure, it had it's down parts, such as him not being able to do stuff that normal teenagers do, but it was worth it on the whole.  
When Mr Pendanski finally stopped lecturing him, he let Squid go. Squid breathed in with relief and quickly hurried out of the rec room before Mr Pendanki said something else about it.

He walked back to his tent, it was pretty dark now but he knew none of D tent would be asleep. They'd all be waiting for him and he didn't want them to be all sensitive and everything again. It was really uncomfortable. Almost as uncomfortable as having to explain everything to them.

He walked into the tent, although he kept his eyes glued to the floor he could feel all the guys eyes staring at him. He flopped down on his cot and stared at the ceiling.

None of the guys spoke at first but then X ray said, "So, what did Mom say,"

"A load of crap… as usual," Squid murmured still glaring at the tent ceiling, intently.

There was silence, Squid grew red, he knew their eyes were still boring into him.

He couldn't take anymore… he knew what he had to do.

He sat up quickly which startled some of the guys.

"I know what your waiting for," Squid said, looking at them and frowning slightly.

"What?" Magnet said innocently.

"You are waiting for me to tell you about the box," Squid said, rolling his eyes.

_Well it's sooo obvious_.

"You don't have to tell us if you don't want to," Caveman lied through his teeth.

"Well, I don't, not really," Squid said, "But I know I'm going to have to tell you sometime so it might as well be now," The guys drew closer, listening carefully.

"I'm not sure what you guys saw in the box… I'm not sure if you even got to look at everything… but, well the thing is…. I'm a dad," Squid said, slowly.

There was a stunned silence in the tent…


	3. Chapter three

Chapter 3

Squid lay in his cot staring up at the tents dull ceiling. A chorus of snores and mumbling in their sleep surrounded him. Judging by this, the rest of D tent weren't having any trouble getting to sleep but Squid was. He had too much on his mind.

Of course, the guys were shocked when he told them. He would have been very surprised if they weren't. The awkward silence seemed to go on for ages before they eventually spoke. Squid dreaded every single minute of it. After the awkward silence came the all of the supportive attitude, where the guys were being all sympathetic and everything. It was seriously freaking Squid out. He didn't really like it when they were like that. And finally, came the worst part.

The Questions.

It was hard to answer them all. Most of Squid's responses were mumbles or nods. He didn't want to talk about it. He was still getting used to the fact that he was actually a dad, himself. It was too hard to believe. When Yasmin had told him she was pregnant, he was sure there was some mistake, he kept thinking, this isn't happening to me, it's all a dream, I'll wake up and everything will be back to normal.

Thinking back now, he was glad it had happened, in a way. He loved Alex to bits.

It was just awkward telling people about it.

He wasn't ashamed… it was just weird saying those words.

_I'm a Dad  
_

_I have a son_

I am the father of a child 

_I got a girl pregnant at the age of fifteen._

Squid sighed and rolled over in his cot. Trust me, to get her pregnant he thought, It was only one time as well, our first time.  
He closed his eyes and tried to get to sleep but it just seemed impossible. He found himself thinking about Yasmin, and the first time he saw her…

* * *

_Flashback_

_Squid, aged 13, was sitting on the dull half pipe in his local park. He was crying because he had come home from school to find his mum passed out of the bathroom floor… again._

He couldn't stand it when this happened, he just had to get out. He had gone to the park. Not many people came to the Park. It was normally completely empty. That was because there was practically nothing at the Park. Just a rubbish half pipe and a swing.

Squid looked up and through his blurred, tear- filled vision he could see three girls walking towards the swing.  
He hoped they wouldn't notice him.

They looked over towards him. The one with long black hair began walking over. Squid covered his face in his hands hoping she'd go away.

He heard a soft voice above him.

"What's wrong?" He looked up at the girl. She seemed about his age. Her heart shaped face was really pale and long black hair tumbled past her shoulders.

Squid didn't want to tell her what was wrong, after all, he didn't even know who she was.

"Nothing," Squid mumbled a reply.

"Obviously something is," the girl continued. Her bright blue eyes were wide with concern.

"Well, I'm not going to tell you, I don't even know who you are," Squid said. He thought this girl was pretty weird just coming over to him and talking to him.

"My name's Yasmin," she said, smiling slightly, "Now you know who I am," Squid sighed and rolled his eyes, he knew this girl wasn't going to give up. All he really wanted was to be left alone. To drown himself in his self- pity. He didn't want this girl to stand there feeling sorry for him too.

He was sort of shocked as well, seeing as girls don't normally pay much attention to him. Maybe it was because of his old worn- out clothes or the fact he had a very bad reputation but girls just didn't talk to him.

"So do you often come up to complete strangers and start chatting to them?" Squid asked.

"No not really," Yasmin said, "But you looked so sad," Squid didn't know what to say to this. Sad? Sad was an understatement.

"So, what's your name?" Yasmin asked trying to carry on the non- existent conversation.

"Alan," Squid muttered.

"Why were you crying, Alan?" Yasmin asked.

Squid gave in, "Let's just say, my mums an alcoholic and my dad left me when I was three," he tried to make it sound as though it weren't a big deal.

Yasmin looked at Squid sadly. "Oh," was her reply.

There was an awkward silence. "Well, I'm not going to let you just sit here and feel sorry for yourself, c'mon, I'll introduce you to my friends," Yasmin said, finally breaking the silence.

Squid felt quite taken aback. No one had ever been this friendly to him before. He just sat there dumbstruck.

"C'mon then," Yasmin said again, she grabbed his hand and pulled him across the park towards the swing.

Squid felt so relieved that she just didn't bugger off when she found about his mum and that. Most other girls did.

"I know you don't know me properly yet," Yasmin said, as they approached the two other girls, "But do you want to be friends?" Squid had never had a friend before… this would be his first and only friend.

He wondered why a confident pretty girl like her wanted to be friends with him.

"Yeah, sure," he said, trying not to sound over- excited and put her off…

_End of Flashback

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_

Opening his eyes, Squid found that tears were running onto his pillow. He'd give anything to be with Yasmin now. And Alex...


	4. Chapter four

**Disclaimer: Don't own Holes Charectors**

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Chapter 4

Squid knew that it was impossible to even get a moment of sleep. Too many thoughts were tumbling around his head, he needed to straighten them out.

He got out of his cot and began to quietly walk towards the tent's entrance, he didn't want to wake any of the guys.

He wanted some fresh air although he doubt that would help clear his head.

He sat down on the steps on the tent. He put his head in his hands.

_Why does Life have to be so complicated?_

He remembered back to when Yasmin first told him that she was pregnant…

* * *

_Flashback_

_Squid and Yasmin sat in McDonalds for Lunch. Yasmin looked much paler than usual. He heart- shaped face sunken and withdrawn. She was holding her fries yet not bringing any to her mouth. Squid had noticed how she had lost her appetite._

He decided to say something. "What's wrong, why have you been so down recently?" Yasmin looked up at Squid.

Her eye looked sad and she looked so tired.

She sighed in deeply, "Alan, I think it's about time I told you something,"

Squid was worried, she sounded so serious.. So frightened, "What!" he asked.

_  
Yasmin looked back down at her fries and shoved them aside, "I think we should go for a walk," she mumbled.  
_

_The two teenagers walked down the street, they were heading towards the park were they first met. Their favourite hang out place. Squid had his arm over Yasmin's shoulder, bringing her close to him._

"You do love me don't you?" she asked all of a sudden, looking up at him seriously.

_  
"I love you with all my heart," Squid said back._

"Would you love me no matter what?" Yasmin asked, looking up at him desperately.

"Yes of course," Squid said honestly.

As they entered the park Yasmin turned to face him.

She gripped onto his hands and looked into his eyes.

"I've been feeling ill recently and have been sick a lot. I missed my period this month… I got worried, Alan," at this point tears began rolling down Yasmin's cheeks, "I bought a pregnancy test and it was… positive…"

_End of Flashback_

_

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_

**Please Review!**


	5. Chapter five

**Disclaimer: Don't own Holes characters**

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Chapter 5 

He slowly got up off the steps, it was no good just sitting here. Mom or Mr Sir might catch him whilst they are on their night patrol. He trudged back into the tent and lay back down on his cot.

Four thirty a.m. came far too slowly for him. He hadn't slept a wink all night.

He got changed and headed out to get his shovel from the 'library,' The other guys in D tent seemed to have got over the shock of finding out that one of their fellow D tenters is a dad. "You have a lot of guts telling us that," X ray kept saying.

"Yeah, I imagine it would be hard for you. If it was me I wouldn't be able to tell anyone, I think it would be the worse to have to tell my mom," Caveman said.

Squid ignored their comments. He was too wrapped up in his own thoughts, plus he hated it when Caveman talked about his mom. It was alright for Caveman, he had a mom who cared for him and loved him. Squid's mom never cared for him, Squid had to take care of himself ever since a very young age.

Squid always used to think his mom didn't love him… but maybe she did, deep down. Squid had always thought he hated his mom, but he did love her, really. Even though she had put him  
through so much pain and suffering.

He thought back to when he had told his mom about Yasmin and her being pregnant…

* * *

_Flashback_

_Squid desperately didn't want to tell his mom about Yasmin and their unborn child, but he knew he would have to, sooner or later. Especially since he'd soon be moving out. He and Yasmin were finally getting enough money to rent a small, cheap flat.  
_

_Getting this money did involve stealing money from some houses in his neighbourhood, but they really need it because Yasmin had been kicked out of her house by her parents when she told them about her being pregnant._

_There was his mom, she was lying on the faded couch. It was now or never, she didn't seem all too drunk, perhaps she was sobering up._

"I have something I have to tell you," Squid said, taking a deep breath.

His mom just mumbled a reply.

Squid had no idea how to say this… "See, the thing is, I have a girlfriend, called Yasmin, and I got her pregnant, I didn't mean too, it was just that it was our first time and we didn't think about precautions and all that. But she is going ahead and having the baby and I support her decision. I am going to be the best dad ever for this child.  
_We have saved up money and Yasmin has got a job and we are going to rent out a flat, because Yasmin has got kicked out of her house by her parents. I don't blame you if you want to kick me out too. I am really serious about this and I love Yasmin with all my heart and I love the child we are going to have together with all my heart too," the words just streamed out Squid's mouth._

His mom sat up, her eyes were blazing.

"YOU GOT SOME FUCKING SLUT PREGNANT!" she screeched.

So much for not that drunk.

"SHE IS NOT A SLUT!" Squid found himself yelling back, "I LOVE HER!"  


_"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS," his mom screamed, she chucked an empty liquor bottle at the wall behind Squid. It smashed and shards of glass flew everywhere._

One lodged itself in Squid's flesh. Squid clutched his shoulder were the jagged glass shard stuck out , blood dripped on his fingers.

He blinked back tears.

His mom came tearing forwards, she grabbed his hair and held onto it tight.

Squid felt as though his scalp was going to be pulled off, his head was burning with pain.

Squid could of easily fought back, he could of easily thrown her off. But he didn't want to hurt her. That's one thing he would never do, hit his own flesh and blood. He would never hit a girl either. He didn't know what evil in his mom forced her to hurt him so much, was it just her alcohol fuelled brain, or did she really hate him. It hadn't always been like this, Squid remembered a time when they had been a happy family.

Him, his mum and dad.

But things change.

_His mom tugged him along by the hair, Squid yelled out in pain for her to stop. But that only made her pull more. She opened the front door and pushed him out. He landed hard on the gravelled ground, he scraped all down his shin._

"GET OUT AND DON'T EVER SOME BACK YOU FILTHY PIECE OF SCUM, I NEVER WANTED YOU, YOU HAVE RUINED MY LIFE," she yelled, she spat on him before turning round and going back inside, slamming the door behind her.

Squid unsteadily got to his feet. Cold tears were streaming down his face. He stumbled down the street. His shoulder was throbbing so bad. He tugged the shard of glass out of his shoulder and blood poured out.

He needed Yasmin… He made a promise to himself then, he would never hurt Yasmin or his child. He knew his mom was stuck in a similar situation as him. She gave birth to him when she was Squid's age. Squid knew he would never leave his child and Yasmin, like his dad left him. Even if it got too much, he'd always stand by her…

_End of Flashback

* * *

_

Squid couldn't help but feel quite impressed with his hole so far. He had dug quite a lot whilst thinking about his old memories, almost as much as Zero. He didn't really like thinking about his Mom. He lifted the arm of his t-shirt up so he could see the faint scar that was a result from the shard of glass which got stuck in his shoulder. This was one of many scars that was from his Mom. He had emotional scars as well.

It made him too sad to think about his Mom, he didn't want to think about her anymore. He tried his best to block her out, normally. Act like she doesn't exist. Instead he though about Alex…

* * *

_Flashback_

_He held the small baby in his arms, trying to settle the little baby boy's small sobs and send him back to sleep.  
The only light in the room came from the silver moon whose sparkly rays shone through a crack in the curtains.  
Squid looked down at the innocent child. This seemed like all a dream to him, it was too surreal. Here, lying in his arms, was his son. He is part of him._

He looked like him as well. From the mop of wavy brown hair to the chocolate- coloured eyes.

Alex's eyes began to droop, his sobs died out, soon replaced by light- breathing.

Squid lay him down in his tiny crib and kissed his forehead.

"Night," he whispered, pulling the blanket round the small baby, "See you in the morning," As he quietly tip- toed out the room he felt overwhelmed with emotion. He wished this moment would never end…

_End of Flashback_.

* * *

As Squid shovelled up more and more dirt he wondered what Alex was doing now. Judging from Yasmin's letters he was beginning to talk. He had said, "Dad," as his first word. Squid felt so proud but he was so sad that he missed it. He was missing his son growing up, he'd always promised Yasmin he'd be there for her and Alex, but he wasn't…

* * *

_Flashback_

_The only way Squid could earn enough cash to get food to put on the table and to pay rent for the flat was to steal. He actually felt quite guilty about stealing from neighbourhood houses so he'd only steal loose change. Only enough for what he needed it for._

Squid had heard from some people that the house at the end of the street was empty because the family who lived there were on vacation. He desperately needed money to pay the rent this month because Yasmin had, had a lot of time off her job as she had tonsillitis, and she doesn't get paid when she's off sick. He decided to take some cash from the house whose family were away, it was the safest option, he had almost been caught plenty of times before.  
_  
Inspecting the house carefully he noticed that they had left the bathroom window open. It was just enough room for him to squeeze through._

Inside the dark, unfamiliar, quiet house Squid felt a rush of nerves and adrenalin. He crept across the creaky floorboards. He brushed against the wall as he left the bathroom and accidentally pushed down the light switch.

Light flooded the room.

Squid had to stop himself from yelping out, he hastily switched it off. Neighbours would notice if a light turns on yet no one is at home. He crept throughout the house, as quiet as a mouse, if mice were quiet. Searching for any money or anything that could be of value.

He was in the kitchen, searching through cupboards when he heard a voice, "So here's the thief whose been stealing from this neighbourhood's house, we've been looking for you for months, sonnie…" Squid gasped and knocked a glass off the shelf as he turned round. It smashed on the tiled floor In front of him stood two police officers who looked very pleased with themselves…

_End of Flashback_


	6. Chapter six

**Disclaimer: Don't own holes characters.**

**Thankyou for the reviews I have recieved so far! It's great to know what everyone thinks about this fanfic. I' love to know what I could improve on and what stuff you like about it please:)**

* * *

Chapter 6

It was bliss to feel the cold water run over Squid's exhausted and sore body. He ran a hand through his sopping mop of wavy brown hair, letting it fall into his brown eyes.

His head was pounding from the stress of everything that had been happening to him recently. He pressed his hands to his eyes to brush away the droplets of water which had stuck onto the ends of his eyelashes. He pressed hard until all he could see was blinking white lights.

He sighed when the water shut off, he could of done with a couple more minutes so he could use some soap but he lost some of his shower tokens due to gambling.

He stood in the shower stall for a second longer. Sparkling droplets of water ran down his chest and dripped off his damp hair.

He shook his head, as if to shake away all these troubled thoughts, before grabbing a towel and leaving the shower stall.

He walked into the tent, drying his hair with a towel. He looked over at Caveman and Zero. They were the only ones in the tent.  
They were sitting on Caveman's cot with some paper, pens and pencils.

They didn't seem to notice Squid had just walked in.

He looked at them for a moment or two. He felt a twang of jealousy of their friendship, he wished he had friends that close.

"Can I borrow some paper?" he asked.

Caveman looked up, slightly startled, his green eyes wide.

"Um… yeah sure," he said, clumsily pulling out a sheet of paper from the pile in front of him and causing the rest to tumble to the floor of the tent. Caveman passed Squid the sheet with a sheepish look on his face.

"Thanks," Squid mumbled, watching Caveman and Zero picking up the sheets of paper off the floor, "Can I borrow a pen,"

"Yeah, here you go," Caveman passed him a biro.

Squid took it off him and gave him a curt nod before flopping down on his cot.

He rolled over onto his stomach and placed the sheet of paper in front of him. He had decided to write a letter.

_To Yasmin & Alex,_

_I'm sorry I haven't wrote back to you in ages it's just I ran out of paper and couldn't get hold of any. I managed to get some off this new guy in our tent, he's called Stanley a.k.a Caveman, he has loads of paper because he writes letters to his mum and dad._

Even though I haven't wrote to you doesn't mean I have stopped thinking about you two. It seems that I think about you all the time. 24/7. I miss you so, so, so, so, so, so much.

I hope you are doing alright. I am counting the days until I'm out of here so I can be with you. I feel so guilty… I am such a terrible person to be in here. I left you, all because I was stupid and foolish. I should never have stole that stuff…. We still could of got by without it. I don't deserve you, you'd be better off without me anyway.

_I am missing you so bad!_

_Love you lots and lots and lots._

_Alan Xxx_

Squid sighed in deeply as he finished his letter. He wanted to tell Yasmin a load of things but it just didn't feel right putting them down in a letter. He longed to tell her, face to face.

He folded the letter up just as the rest of D tent came rowdily into the tent. Squid quickly shoved the letter under his pillow. He didn't want the other guys to see. He glanced over at Caveman and Zero. They had packed all the writing stuff away and were now just sitting on Caveman's cot, watching the other guys.

Zero noticed Squid looking and stared straight back. Squid broke away from the little staring contest, slightly unnerved, thinking, _That's one weird little kid_.

"Hey Squid!" X ray said, standing next to Squid's cot, "How come you weren't at dinner?"

"Didn't feel hungry," Squid mumbled, lying back on his cot, his head pressed into his pillow.

X ray gave Squid a worried glance but then proceeded to his own cot.

Squid closed his eyes firmly shut, so it would give the impression that he was sleeping. He didn't feel like talking much.

The rest of D tent chatted and joked like they normally did. After a while, Squid slowly opened his eyes. He could see Zigzag from his cot. Zigzag was not participating in the discussion the rest of D tent were having. He was looking at Squid very intently with a worried, sympathetic look on his face.

Squid went to quickly close his eyes again, hoping Zigzag hadn't realised that Squid had noticed him staring.

But he was too late, Zigzag began to walk over to Squid's cot. None of the other guys noticed, they just carried on their noisy discussion.

Squid felt Zigzag sit down beside him. He opened his eyes and looked up.

"I know what it's like," Zigzag said quietly.

Squid leaned up a little and gave Zigzag a confused look.

"At least I think I do," Zigzag continued, looking at Squid sideways.

"What are you on about, Zig?" Squid asked, shaking his head slightly.

Zigzag gave Squid a wide eyed look, "I used to have a girlfriend. Her name was Paris, and I thought she was the love of my life, the one and only," Zigzag's face softened at this, he stared into space, a blissful look emerging on his face.

Squid waited for him to carry on.

"She was the only girl in my old school who took a particular liking to me. I guess I didn't have much friends, spent most of my time by myself until she came along. She was so beautiful as well, I can't believe she liked me," Zigzag sighed in deeply as he ran a hand through his wild hair, "I think… we were in love. Although we were only young, we felt ready and we… well you know,"  
Squid nodded, he understood, it didn't need to be spelled out for him.

Zigzag's gaze was fixed onto the tent floor by now, he didn't seem to want to look Squid in the eye, "It was our first time, and I guess we just didn't think about precautions… we were sure it wouldn't lead to what it did…I got her pregnant," He finally broke his stare with the tent floor and looked up at Squid. His pale blue eyes looked so worn and sad as the bored into Squid's eyes.

"I was scared… really scared. I had no idea how to cope with that sort of situation. I was willing to help Paris though, to support her with the baby… but she chose abortion," Zigzag's shoulders drooped, his round eyes began to water slightly.

"I didn't really want her to, I was always against abortion. It just isn't right killing a possibility of little life. Especially a little life I had given her. But there was no way I could talk her out of it, it was like she had changed. She wasn't the same anymore. She got the abortion anyway. She didn't want my baby… she didn't want me either," A single tear rolled down Zigzag's pale cheek.

Squid looked at Zigzag sympathetically, he wanted to comfort Zigzag but he wasn't sure what to say or do.

"She really had changed, and she began going with other guys and not returning my calls, and ignoring me whenever she saw me. We just grew apart," Zigzag blinked back tears, he didn't want to cry in front of Squid, Squid always seemed to be so brave.  
Squid bit his lip anxiously, he really felt like he should do something to comfort Zigzag but he didn't know what, so he just stayed quiet.

"So… Squid. I know it isn't exactly the same, but I do understand what it's like. So if you need to talk about it… you know you can always talk to me," Zigzag gave Squid a small smile before getting up and walking back to his cot.

Squid smiled to himself, he didn't often see Zigzag smile.

* * *

**I would just like to say that I like your idea Ausha Black, of the other boys having secrets too. I have wrote in this chapter about Zigzag and a little secret he's been keeping too, but I am having complete writers block and can't think of any other secret's the other guys could have. Could any one give me any ideas? Please!**


	7. Chapter seven

**Disclaimer: Don't own holes characters**

**Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed, It means the world. **

**Please keep reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it! xx xx**

* * *

Chapter 7

"Squid, you wanna game of pool?" X ray asked, leaning on a pool stick and looking at Squid sideways.

"When have I ever turned a challenge down?" Squid said, a small smile playing on his lips as he heaved himself up off the worn sofa.

He had decided to try and go back to normal, he hated moping around feeling sorry for himself, he had pushed all his troubled thoughts to the back of his mind were a lot of other distressing memories were.

Squid beat X ray in pool, no change there, but he didn't feel like gloating as much. He still done his little victory dance, but he didn't go on about it as much as normal.

Instead, his brown eyes strayed across the room and came to rest on Zigzag who was sitting cross-legged on the floor, watching the broken Television with an engrossed expression on his face.

Squid gave his pool stick to Armpit who was going to have a game with X ray next and made his way across the room towards Zigzag.

Zigzag didn't seem to notice him, he was still very absorbed in watching the static TV.

Squid sat down on the chair that was near Zigzag and looked closely at the TV.

_What the hell can Zigzag see?  
_  
Squid leaned a little closer to se if he could make out any movement behind all the fuzzy black and white dots. It was all a blur to him.

He moved a little closer towards the TV but found that his bottom slipped off the chair and he landed with a dull thunk on the floor.

"Oh!" Zigzag gasped, he was now looking at Squid with a wide-eyed, sort of paranoid look on his face, "You scared me then"

"Sorry," Squid mumbled, rubbing his bottom which was very sore from landing on the hard floor with such force.

Zigzag look at Squid and narrowed his eyes suspiciously, "How come your over here and not playing pool with the rest of D tent"

"Got bored of pool," Squid shrugged.

Zigzag still gave Squid a wary look, "But you never sit with me"

"Thought I would today," Squid said, bringing his knees up against his chest and wrapping his arms round them, "Coz I have been thinking a lot about what you told me the other day"

"Yeah, and what have you been thinking?" Zigzag asked, his gaze gradually returned to the TV as he said this but Squid somehow could tell that he was still listening.

"I have been thinking that I want to thank you for telling me that coz I know it's hard to tell people about that sort of stuff, and you kind of helped me in a way, coz now I know that somebody else is in the same situation, and now I have someone I can talk to who truly understands," Squid rested his chin on his knees as he spoke.

Zigzag looked back at Squid, his bright blue eyes looked sad and worn.

It was a couple of days later when Squid received a letter from Yasmin.

Mr Pendanski gave him a small white envelope when he was in the Rec room after a tiring day of digging.

Besides from the neat, curly handwriting on the front and the fact that Yasmin was the only person who wrote to Squid, Squid knew that it was from Yasmin straight away.

His heart began thudding in his ribcage and his palms felt rather sweaty as he fumbled clumsily to open the envelope.

He always felt like this whenever he got a letter from Yasmin, it was almost as if he was worried in case the letter said that she was fed up with him being at CGL and that she was breaking up with him and that he would never see her or Alex again.

It wasn't a very nice feeling.

Squid suddenly felt all eyes on him, the guys of D tent were watching him very closely. They were trying to make it unnoticeable that they were staring but not doing a very good job of it. He decided to find somewhere private where he can read the letter. He tucked it in his pocket and gave some of the guys a quick glance to see if they were still looking. They turned away as soon as he looked. He walked briskly out of the Rec room and made his way to the tent. Only Zero was in the tent and he was just lying on his cot, staring up at the blank tent canvas.

Squid didn't pay much attention to Zero, Zero was just Zero, he wouldn't interfere whilst Squid read his letter, would he?

Squid plonked himself down on his cot. The cot sagged slightly. This was from a game of, "Jump from cot to cot," that D tent had been playing recently which had caused one of the legs to loosen tremendously. Squid figured he may need a new cot. He pulled the sheet of lined paper out of the envelope and unfolded it.

He lay it out on his pillow and rolled over onto his stomach and began reading it;

_Dear Alan._

_I am so glad you wrote, I have been missing you with all my heart and just to hear from you has made me feel like there is hope that we will eventually be back together again. To be honest I had been getting more and more worried that perhaps you didn't want to be with me, I had began thinking that you had forgotten about me and Alex._

I think about you all the time as well, Alan. Our flat feels so empty without you, my heart feels so empty without you. I probably sound really soppy but I don't care because that is what I'm truly feeling. I love you so much Alan, I just want you to come home.

Me and Alex are missing you terribly but are fortunately coping. It is quite hard though, I tried borrowing some money off my parents but they want nothing to do with me… they hate me for "wasting my life so young," but I haven't wasted my life, I have you and Alex and you are both my past, present and future. You are the two people who mean the world to me, although it does hurt me really bad to know that my parents want nothing to do with their very own grandchild, Alex could do with a Granny and Granddad. But what I really want to get to is what you wrote at the end of your last letter…PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE don't think all those horrible stuff about yourself. I won't be better of with someone else coz you're the only one for me.

I honestly love you, I have never felt this way about anyone, and I am going to carry on loving you even though you aren't with me right now… but you will be, eventually and I SO can't wait until then.

_With all my love,_

_Yasmin_

_x  
_

Squid felt hot tears welling up in his eyes as he read this, he felt somewhat happy but still tremendously sad at the same time.

Basically he was confused about his emotions, there was no change there then, Squid felt that he would spend his whole life confused.

He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and gulped slightly before tucking the letter back in it's envelope.

He sat up and saw Zero staring at him very intently. Squid gave him a quick look but Zero didn't say a word. Squid ran a hand through his hair and got out his little wooden box. He opened it and placed the letter neatly on top before snapping the lid shut. He didn't want Zero to see what was inside although Squid wasn't all too sure whether Zero had already seen what was in there. Squid got up off his cot, he felt suddenly extremely tired and drained and he knew it wasn't to do with the hole he dug today. Steadying himself, he began to walk out of the tent, as he passed Zero he heard a small, mousy voice, "Are you alright"

Squid looked down at Zero in surprise. He had never heard the small boy speak before, he hadn't even been sure whether Zero could talk. Zero looked back up at Squid, his brown eyes seemed to expand as though he was looking right through Squid.

"Yeah I'm fine, it's just…allergies," Squid sniffed, still a little bit shocked that Zero had actually spoken.

Zero didn't look at all convinced, he nodded at Squid and his mane of curly brown hair shook slightly, his eyes were still boring into Squid.

"Ok, I'm gonna go now," Squid felt a little uncomfortable.

He turned and put his hands in his pockets as he left the tent.

* * *

**A/N: I think this Chapter is a little shorter than the rest but I got kinda bored writing it and just wanted to add a new chapter to my fanfic lol.**

**Ausha Black: Thanks for your review and I'm glad that someone else thinks that abortion is wrong coz I do too! **


	8. Chapter eight

**Disclaimer: Don't own any of 'Holes' Characters.**

**R&R, PLEASE!**

**Thanks so much to everyone who has reviewed so far!**

* * *

Chapter 8

Squid lay in his cot with his covers tucked tightly around himself, he wasn't cold, it's just he felt that if he wrapped himself up he was hidden from view and then he wouldn't have to even look at the rest of D tent.

He buried his head into his pillow, his whole body ached from digging. He thought that perhaps he'd be used to it by now, but everyday his muscles and bones still throbbed. He peered into the darkness of the tent, straining his eyes slightly to see if he could see any movement, he wondered if he was the only one awake.

He could see Magnet's cot from where he was lying. Magnet was tossing and turning in a restless sleep. He was mumbling words Squid didn't understand, he sounded quite distressed.

"No vaya Lisa, el asidero en"

"No preocupe, yo le salvaré, será bien"

"No llore, estoy aquí, yo siempre estaré aquí"

"Por favor no salga Lisa, yo quiero ir con usted, yo soy su hermano grande, yo siempre le debo proteger"

(A/n: I am not very good at Spanish so I don't know if these are right)

Squid could make out the words but they made no sense, he guessed Magnet was talking in Spanish.

He tried to ignore Magnet by pulling his covers over his head, but Magnet was sounding more and more urgent and more and more distressed. Squid pulled his covers from off his head and looked back at Magnet who was thrashing around in his sleep.

"Magnet!" Squid whispered, "Magnet, buddy, wake up"

Magnet's urgent Spanish phrases died down and he gradually stopped moving in his sleep.

"Magnet, are you alright, I thought you were having a seizure or something," Squid wasn't even sure if Magnet was awake or not yet.

"No, just a bad dream," Squid could hear Magnet's muffled, Hispanic accent coming from underneath his covers, he sounded very upset and his voice was really small.

"What was it about?" Squid asked.

"Nothing," Magnet mumbled.

"Well, it had to be something, you were yelling out a load of things in Spanish so it has to be pretty bad," Squid said, sitting up slightly in his cot.

"I don't want to talk about it," Magnet whispered grumpily, rolling over in his cot so that he was lying on his back and staring up at the blank ceiling of the tent.

Squid understood, he often had nightmares too, but that didn't stop his curiosity. Magnet always seemed to be happy, Squid didn't know that he actually had things which troubled him in his sleep.

"That's ok Magnet, you don't have to, but can I just ask you one thing?" Squid said, trying to put his words very carefully so that Magnet didn't think he was interfering too much.

Magnet just grunted a reply, Squid took it as a 'yes.' "Whose Lisa? That's the only word I could make out," Squid said.

Squid heard Magnet gulp.

"She….was…my sister," Magnet said, in a quivering voice.

"Was?" Squid asked.

Magnet was reluctant to answer, "She…died"

Magnet felt a single tear roll down his cheek.

"Oh," Squid didn't know what to say, "I'm sorry Magnet"

"She was only nine," Magnet said, another tear rolled down his cheek, he didn't know why he was telling Squid this, he really didn't want to talk about it but that was exactly what he was doing.

"Do you mind me asking… how did she die?" Squid asked, he didn't think Magnet would want to answer this question.

"I don't want to talk about that," Magnet mumbled.

There was a silence between the two boys which went on for what felt like hours.

"Squid?" Magnet whispered.

"Yeah," Squid answered.

"She got murdered," Magnet found himself saying.

Squid was shocked, no wonder Magnet was having nightmares, and Magnet hid it so well, always happy and smiling, always laughing.

"Magnet, that is so… so horrible," Squid sat up in his cot once more, he got up and walked over to Magnet's cot and sat on the edge of it.

Magnet sat up too, his face shining with tears.

Squid looked at Magnet, his soft brown eyes full of pity.

"I know I said I didn't want to talk about it, but I've started now, so I guess I'll have to finish," Magnet said, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

"You really don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, Mag," Squid said.

"Yeah, well, I don't think I want to, but maybe I need to talk about it coz I haven't talked about it to anyone, not even my family, it's like it's all cooped up inside me, y'know," Magnet said, biting his nails slightly.

Squid nodded to show that he did know, that's what he felt like with things about his past, about his mum, about Yasmin, about his dad.  
Magnet took a deep breath, "Well here goes nothing," he said, "I was babysitting Lisa when my mum and dad were out at a dinner party and she asked me if she was allowed out to play with her best friend across the road. I let her, but now I wish that I hadn't. Whilst she was out she got abducted, and they found her body three weeks later," Magnet couldn't suppress his sobs any longer. He buried his face into his pillow and began crying.

"And it's all my fault," he gulped, "If only I hadn't let her out, she'd still be alive today. I am her big brother, I was supposed to protect her"

Squid felt sick in the stomach, he didn't have any brothers or sisters, but he could just imagine Alex being abducted and murdered and that made a tear trickled down his cheek as well. Squid patted Magnet on the back, "It's not your fault Mag, how was you to know that some evil bastard was going to abduct her"

Magnet didn't answer, he just carried on sobbing into his pillow.

His sobs seemed to die down after a while because he then managed to say, "That's what I was dreaming, I could see Lisa again, she was in a crowded room and whenever I tried to get closer to her, the fainter she became until I was meters away from her. She just smiled at me and said, "It's ok Jose, you'll always be by big brother and I'll always love you, I'll be waiting for you," then she just walked away,"

* * *

**Awwwww, poor Magnet, I actually feel quite sorry for him although I'm the one who wrote it.**


	9. Chapter nine

**Hey everybody who is reading this, I haven't been able to update for a little while coz my computer was completely and totally BROCKEN! My uncle had to reinstall windows and all sorts. I swear I am jinxed when it comes to computers and anything to do with ICT to be honest. My computer always doesn't work for no apparent reason, even my uncle, who is a total whiz in computers couldn't figure out why it just broke down on me. It's a nightmare, and I keep getting wrecked at school coz I keep breaking the computers there as well… and it's not my fault! I have no idea what I'm doing wrong!**

Then when that happens at school, some people take the piss out of me saying I can't work computers coz I'm blonde. That is SOOO stereotypical. Yeah, I am naturally blonde, but I am SO not dumb. I'm in top sets for everything, 'cept ICT (surprise, surprise) and music (I almost crack glass when I sing and I can't play musical instruments AT ALL) , so I am obviously not that stupid. True, I don't have much common sense, but I don't need that too bad. But what annoys me is that coz I am blonde, when I do or get something wrong it is maximised like ten times worse just coz of the colour of my hair!

Anyhoo, I suppose I'll have to do Disclaimer: I don't own any holes characters or CGL or anything you recognise.

Thank you to Ausha Black for reviewing Chap 8, You are truly awsome! I have decided to put X ray's secret in this chap. But I don't have much ideas for it so I might just end up writing a load of crap, lol.

Right, I better crack on with writing this chap then.

* * *

Chapter Nine:

Squid tied a doo rag round his head and placed a toothpick in his mouth as he got ready for the day of digging ahead. He glanced slightly at Magnet who was sitting on his cot, head held in his hands.

Squid was quite surprised that none of the others noticed how down Magnet was. Magnet looked up at Squid. Squid gave him a small, reassuring smile.

Magnet gave Squid a grim smile in response.

The next time Squid talked to Magnet was just after the water truck arrived with their lunch. Squid had got his baloney and cheese sandwich and had managed to smuggle a few more cookies than was allowed.

He went and sat by Magnet, who was sitting on the edge of his hole, staring dismally into the distance.

"Here," Squid mumbled, pressing a couple of cookies into his hand.

Magnet smiled gratefully but still didn't speak. Squid hadn't heard him speak all day.

Squid looked down at his sandwich, but didn't eat it. He really wanted to say something, but he couldn't think of how he could put it. He cleared his throat slightly.

"Magnet, I know I'm not the type of person to be like all emotional and everything," Squid said, making an attempt and trying to say what he was thinking, "But I really felt for you last night, man. That was really horrible what you told me, and I know what you must be going through. Life's a bitch"

Magnet looked up, his face seemed really drained, "Thanks Squid, at least I had someone to talk to, I didn't want to keep it all bottled up anymore"

"That's ok, Buddy, y'know I'll listen anytime ya wanna talk," Squid nodded curtly, before taking a bite out his sandwich.

Squid was in the Wreck room having a game of pool with X ray. X ray still hadn't been able to beat Squid ever since Squid had arrived at CGL. He was kind of sour about it and always challenged Squid to a game, hoping that maybe he would win someday.

X ray was just about to take his shot when Mr Pendanski tapped him on the shoulder and said; "Rex, here's a letter for you"

X ray looked at Mr Pendanski in shock. He was so much in shock that he forgot to correct Mr Pendanski on his name. He took the letter off Mr Pendanski and turned it over, looking at it closely as though he was sure it was going to vanish at any moment.

Squid looked at X ray sideways, X ray never got mail.

X ray peered cautiously at the writing on the front of the envelope, Squid noticed X ray's eyes widening in surprise behind the thick- rimmed spectacles. X ray glanced at Squid who was watching him quietly, still clutching the pool stick (a/n: I think it's called that) in his hand. X ray avoided eye contact and then (without saying a word) just left the Wreck room.

Squid stood there, motionless, thinking…_What the hell is wrong with him? He didn't even finish the pool game?_

Squid rushed his dinner because he wanted to have time to be in the tent alone so he could write a letter back to Yasmin. He noticed X ray was very quiet during dinner, he also noticed that Magnet seemed to have perked up a bit.

_Everyone always seems to be so upset here, one person gets upset then another one does, then another one_, Squid was thinking as he shovelled the green, lumpy food into his mouth. He got up and left the mess hall and then headed towards the empty tent.

It was when he got in the tent that he realised he didn't have any stationary to write the letter with. He looked over at Caveman's cot, he had a stationary set placed neatly on top of his crate.

_Caveman wouldn't mind if I took ONE piece of paper and borrowed a pen, would he?_ Squid wondered.

He opened up the stationary set and took out a sheet of paper and black biro.

He just so happened to look over at X ray's cot, which was placed next to Caveman's. He noticed that the letter X ray had received earlier today was sticking out ever so slightly from underneath X ray's pillow.

Squid was extremely tempted to read it.

_X ray would never find out if I did read it_, Squid thought. He was too curious for his own good.  
He desperately wanted to know what the letter said. _Mind you, It's none of my business_, Squid thought, _But then again, X ray and all the rest of them read MY letters in MY box which was none of their business, so technically I have every right to read X ray's letter then we'll be even._ He pulled out the letter from underneath the pillow. Squid guessed that X ray had tried to hide it but not done a very good job of it. He unfolded the sheet of paper and began to read;

_To Rex,_

_When you leave Camp Green Lake, don't expect to come home and carry on living with us. We are absolutely appalled at what you have done and we find it a disgrace to have you as our son. You have wasted those so many years of private schooling in which we had expected you to have gone on to have a successful career. Instead you have chosen a life of crime, and because of this, I no longer have a son.  
_

Squid stared at the letter for a minute or two. He felt really sorry for X ray, he knew how it felt to have parents who no longer loved you. Squid also was surprised that X ray had had private schooling, he didn't seem to be the type.

Squid had just finished folding the letter back up when he heard someone walk in the tent.

He gasped slightly and shoved the letter back underneath X ray's pillow. He turned around quickly to see who it was.

Caveman and Zero stood at the entrance of the tent, looking at Squid suspiciously.

Squid looked back, trying to quickly think of something to say.

"Why are you by my cot?" Caveman broke the awkward silence timidly. Squid always got the impression that Caveman felt very intimidated by him.

"I just…uh… wanted to borrow another piece of paper and pen," Squid said innocently, holding up the piece of paper and pen to show them.

"Oh," Caveman said, the suspicious expression slowly leaving his face, "Ok then"

Squid breathed in a sigh of relief as he walked over to his own cot.

He decided he should start writing to prove that, that was why he had the paper.

_To Yasmin and Alex,_

_You wrote in your last letter that you were frightened that I would forget about you and Alex, of course I would NEVER forget about you two. You are the only two people I love in this world so obviously I could never, ever forget about you._

I feel really guilty about you getting worried that I didn't write before. I wanted to write and I searched everywhere for something to write with, but nobody would give me anything. The guys are really selfish here.  


_I desperately want to be back in our flat, with both of you. I miss you both so much. I miss how you (Yasmin) can make me laugh no matter how low I'm feeling and I miss your hugs that make me feel so warm inside.  
_

_Also, I hate that I am missing Alex growing up. I'm his dad, I should be there for him, to hear him say his first words, to see him take his first steps, I've missed all that… that's what hurts the most.  
_

_I'm sorry about what happened with your parents, I feel like it's all my fault. I'm the reason they are like this with you. If it wasn't for me you wouldn't of got pregnant. I agree that Alex could do with a Granny and Granddad. And it is such a shame that on one side they don't want anything to do with him and on the other his Granddad has run away and his Granny is an alcoholic who only cares about drink. Actually writing that makes Alex's life sound kind of shit. His Grandparents don't give a crap about him and his dad is practically a criminal and sentenced to be digging holes in a Juvenile Delinquent Centre. It seems as though you're the only one there for him. I SO wish I could be!_

I'd always promise myself that my kid's childhood would be perfect, to make up for my shit one, but that's not really going to plan so far, is it? And I am really believing that it is my fault. I feel jinxed. I finally find a beautiful, loving girl and we have a son together, but I just HAVE to ruin it, don't I?  


_I really love you both. I can't wait until I'm out of this hell hole and back with you.  
_

_Love you,  
_

_Alan_

_Xx  
_

When Squid finished writing, he felt as though his heart had deflated. Writing that had just made him feel so miserable and like he had let everybody down in his life.

Squid tried to fight back the tears, he looked up and saw Zero staring at him. He hated the way Zero always seem to look at him recently. It made Squid feel really vulnerable as though Zero knew what Squid was thinking and feeling.

Squid found himself automatically scowling at him. Zero quickly looked away.

* * *

**Thanks for reading, I promise I'll update and do the next chapter soon.**

Please Review, I really want to know what people think before I can carry on with the next chappie. In case what I have wrote is a load of crap, then I can redo it.  


**Ow, My back is really killing me right now, I was horse-riding today and went on a hack with two of my friends. We were about to go in a field which we gallop up when the pony I was riding needed a pee so we had to stop which made the other two ponies really impatient, so as soon as we got in the field, they shot off which caused my pony to buck twice and then gallop off after them. My friend, Jasmin, lost her stirrup and the pony she was riding bucked and she came off, and the pony bucked again and kicked the pony I was riding, which swerved and then I lost my balance and fell off too.**

Our two ponies galloped away and I had to run after them for HALF A MILE, with a sore back and ass, it wasn't very nice! Lol. They were Ok though, the people from the stables caught them.

It's just my back is really killing me right now, and seriously bugging me so it is kinda distracting me from writing, so if this chappie is a load of crap, IT'S MY BACKS FAULT!  
I just had a thought, I could get out of Sports day now with an injured back, YAY!  
They signed me up for doing 1500 meters when I wasn't at school and I really, really, really don't want to do it. I hate running and when I am forced to do 1500m, I feel like I'm going to die. I can do it, it's just I HATE doing it. True, I can run after two ponies for half a mile with a sore back, but that was only coz I had to, and I was worried they were going to get the reigns wrapped around their legs or something. But really, what is the point of running round and round a track for 1500m, JUST for sports day.  


**Ok, I'm going to stop writing now coz I am rambiling, so see ya!**


	10. Chapter ten

**Hello 2 all the people reading this, lol.  
I want to say thank you to Squid Freak and Ausha Black for your reviews, u are both awesome!**

**Disclaimer: I obviously don't own any of the Holes characters/ places etc.

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Chapter 10

Squid decided to go back into the Rec room, he didn't really like being in the tent with Caveman and Zero. They were really close little buddies and seemed to butt everyone else out, so Squid felt really uncomfortable sitting there whilst they whispered quietly to each other and gave him awkward looks which basically meant, _Go Away!  
_  
So that's just what Squid did. The Rec room was quite crowded as it normally was at this time in the afternoon. Somebody banged into Squid with so much force that Squid almost fell over.

"For fucks sake, watch it!" Squid said in a raised, angry tone before he could stop himself. He felt really stressed so it was no wonder had a bit of a temper on him at that apparent moment.

"What did you just say?" Squid heard a voice beside him growl.

"I said, Watch it, aiight?" Squid said loudly, looking up at whoever was talking then realising it was a tough- looking guy from A tent.

Squid didn't really want to start a fight but he knew he couldn't back down now because it would make him look like a wimp.

"Don't tell me to watch it," the A tent boy said, advancing on Squid. Squid noticed he towered over him, the boy was Zigzag's size.

"Yeah.. And what are you gonna do about it?" Squid said, trying to sound braver than he felt.

"I've had enough of you going around and thinking your so great," the A tent boy said, giving Squid a sharp shove which made Squid stumble slightly. Squid managed to stand straight, he stared at the boy and gave him a piercing look.

"Well, you ain't so fucking great, we all know how you knocked some whore up and now your stuck with her and the baby," the A tent boys said, his eyes gleaming with malicious. That was the last straw for Squid.

"No one calls Yasmin a whore," Squid growled, his fist flying and connecting with the A tent boy's jaw. The boy's head was flung back with the force behind the punch.

The boy looked back at Squid, his dark eyes glinting with anger.

The boy suddenly charged at Squid, knocking him backwards against the pool table which wobbled vigorously.

Squid's fists collided with the boys stomach, he couldn't see anything, it was all a blur, so he kicked and punched anything he could reach.

Squid felt the boys fists which felt like steel, pounding into his ribs and stomach. He tried to shove the boy off but he was too heavy.

He could hear shouts but couldn't make out what people where saying because there was a terrible roaring in his ears.

He suddenly felt the boy being pulled off of him and his eyes seemed to back into focus.

His side ached as he tried to sit up, he felt something dribble down his chin, his nose was bleeding.  
He looked up at the boy whose eye was swelling to twice it's normal size. The boy was straining to get towards Squid but was being held back by X ray and Armpit who were yelling things at him.

Squid wiped his nose with the back of his hand, he looked up at the other boys who were crowding round. He felt tears welling up in his eyes, he didn't want anyone to see him cry. He got up, which sent sharp pains up his ribcage and he shoved past all the crowding boys and kept on briskly walking until he was out of the Rec room. He kept on walking past all the tents, kicking up billowing clouds of dust as he went.

He didn't know where he was going, he just needed to get away.

He walked towards the 'library' and sat down in front of it, his head in his hands.

He noticed that a stream of red had dripped down onto his white t-shirt. He undone his do-rag and used the white cloth to put up against his nose to stop the bleeding.

How do the other tents know about Yasmin…someone out of D tent must of told them! Squid thought angrily, his brown eyes fixed on the cracked dusty ground.

"Squid, I think I know Yasmin," Squid heard a small, unfamiliar voice above him.

He looked up and saw Zero standing beside him. He hardly ever heard Zero speak… he only spoke to Caveman… but for some reason he was now speaking to Squid.

It took Squid a few seconds to overcome the shock of Zero talking to him before realising what Zero had actually said, _I think I know Yasmin…  
_  
"Huh?" Squid managed to mumble, his voice muffled from the white cloth covering his nose and his mouth.

"Is Yasmin's second name 'Bain," Zero asked quietly, looking at Squid intensely, waiting patiently for an answer.

"Yeah," Squid said, wondering how Zero knew that.

"I know her," Zero said, smiling to himself.

"Uh…how?" Squid said, confused.

Zero breathed in deeply and sat down beside Squid. He looked as though he didn't want to answer Squid.

"When I was younger…I used to go Laney park… Once some children were having a party and Yasmin came over and asked me if I wanted some cake and if I wanted to join in… but I got chased away by one of the mothers…Yasmin told me her name… and I duno, but I've always remembered it…" Zero said, slowly and pausing as he spoke as though trying to remember properly. (A/N: I know Zero lived in Laney Park, but I wrote that he used to go Laney Park instead because I figured that Zero wouldn't tell Squid that he lived there coz he isn't that friendly with Squid and the only reason he told Caveman was coz he trusts him)

Squid smiled, although Zero couldn't see from underneath the white cloth.

Trust Yasmin, always thinking of others, Squid thought, memories of Yasmin's sweet, caring nature came flooding back.

"A whore is the last word you could use to describe her," Zero said simply, giving Squid a small smile.

Squid looked at Zero, I_ didn't know he had seen the fight I had with that guy from A tent- Zero seems to notice everything…

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**PLEASE review and tell me what you think!**

**Ausha Black: I have recovered from falling off the pony now, but unfortunatly my friend can't ride for a month! Do you have a horse of your own? If so, you are so lucky! I really, really want one but my mum and dad won't let me. :( **

Luv ya!  
xx


	11. Authors Note

**Thanks to Hollywoodxtragic, Ausha Black, D-tentsgirl101 and Goddess of Evil Lemons and Claystatue Hater for your reviews and I really have to apologise for not updating in AGES. Blame my computer, it decided to give itself a virus.**

**I am also suffering from TERRIBLE writer's block. It's the worst EVER! I can not think of anything to write for Chapter 11- at all! I really need some help, so please, please, please can people give me some ideas so I can carry on with this ff! Please!**


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